Peter Clothier

Often when I talk to men about meditation, the response comes back: "Oh, I know it's great. I wish I could do it, but my mind is just too active. If I had to sit still for more than two minutes it would drive me crazy."

Since that was the story I told myself for years, I have never known quite how to respond, except with a sympathetic nod. Yet the practice of meditation is by far the quickest, cheapest, and most effective way I know to get clear and focused, and to stay that way-though let no one tell you it involves no effort. It's real hard work. Anyway, I was pleased the other day when my mind came up-during meditation, of course!--with what I think could be a fun and easy way for a man with a busy mind to get started. A way to put the busy mind to the service of mindfulness and equanimity!

I call it a "chat room meditation." Here's how it goes: First, take ten minutes out of your busy schedule, and find a place where you won't be interrupted by your office mate or secretary. Oh, and bury the cell phone where it won't be heard. Next, take a seat. It doesn't have to be cross-legged on a cushion, unless you happen to be comfortable that way. The only prerequisite in posture is a good straight back: I like to imagine a cord attaching my lower spine to the center of the earth, and another leading from the back of my crown to the furthest point in the universe, and gently feel the pull from both directions.

Now close your eyes and take a few good breaths. As you breathe, take time to notice how the various parts of your body can relax a little more with each outbreath, and try to maintain that level of repose as you take the next breath in; then drop a little further into repose with the next outbreath, and so on. (You might want to take note of the mind's panic, too, if it's panicking. If it does, just reassure it with a smile, as you might calm a squirming puppy: "It's okay, just taking a couple of minutes here, relax.")

Okay. Good. Now imagine your entire body as a chat room you've just entered. Imagine yourself to be the user, "U", let's say, and give a voice to every part of your body. Give every part permission to check in whenever it so needs. Remember, as User, your job is not to argue or to fix anything; your job is just to lend an objective, non-judgmental ear to each participant, one at a time, attentively, and maybe put in a sympathetic word to show you've heard. You might even want to simply name the relevant part, out loud or silently, just as a way of confirming your attention. So it might go something like this:
U: (breathes and starts to take note of the interior spaces of his body).
Brain (jumping in): You're not going to do this to me, are you?
U: Hello, brain.
Brain: We don't have time for this. We've got work to do, remember?
U: (breathes)
Brain: This is really dumb.
Heart: Thump, thump, thump.
U (quietly): Heart…
Heart: THUMP, THUMP.
Brain: See? Even heart is worried.
U: You're doing great, both of you.
A brief moment of silence. Then,
Brain: C'mon. Lemme out of here.
U: Soon, okay?
Right Knee (suddenly): Ouch!
U: Knee. What's going on there?
Right Knee: Pain! Stabbing pain.
U: (breathes) Bad, huh?
Right Knee: Terrible. How come you got me all twisted up like this? This is torture.
U breathes and smiles. Right Knee is always like this. A whiner.
Right Knee: You don't know how terrible…
Back of Neck: Ouch! Me too!
U: Neck. Pain, huh?
Back of neck: You've been ignoring me for weeks. I've been trying to tell you. You give me all this shit to carry around and expect me to take care of it.
Right Knee: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! Gotta move. I'm serious, this is killing me!
U: You're doing great.
Right Knee: I'm not, I'm dying here. Just move me, okay? An inch? Any way. Just move me, just a little bit.
U: Relax. You're doing great.
Right Temple: Itch. ITCH. Itch, itch, itch.
U: Temple. I hear you.
Right Temple: So scratch me!
Right Knee: OOOUUCCHHH!
U: I hear you.
Brain: What kind of a dumb cliché is that?
Left Knee: Hey, I'm hurting, too.
Belly: Gurgle. Gurgle, splat.
U: Belly.
Brain: (Race, race, race-furious, but unintelligible).
Colon: Yeow. Feel that pressure. What in God's name did you eat last night? Chicken vindaloo?
U: Gotcha.
Belly: Squirm. Squiggle. Belch.
U breathes into the whole area of his belly and smiles.
Brain: I keep telling you to eat right. You don't listen, do you?
U: Eat right.
Brain: Not that garbage…
Brain fades as Right Knee gives another twinge, and U's mindfulness travels there, watching. The pain spreads back up the thigh into the groin.
Penis: Remember me?
U smiles.
U: I remember.
Penis: Wanna play? I'm ready.
U smiles some more.
Penis: Come on, touch me.
Wrist: I feel the tingle.
U: Wrist.
U takes a deep breath, lets it out.
Fingers: Pure energy. This is nice
. Hands: We hold the universe.
U smiles and breathes.
Right Elbow: Tickle. Itch. Tickle. Tickle, tickle.
U: Elbow…

So that's how it might go. Of course, your body parts will have other things to say than mine. The idea is just to keep listening to them without getting involved in their game. What happens is that Right Knee, amazingly, will soon forget his pain (though he'll be back a few moments-or a few minutes-later). The heart that seems to be thumping like a bass drum at one moment is silent when a sudden new tension develops between the temples, needing my attention. Even the ant that's crawling up my leg and seems to demand the slap that stops it dead-even that sensation disappears when the mind is called elsewhere. Everything, even the most excruciating pain, is moment-by-moment: something different will soon draw my attention. The mind moves on. The next space in the body calls...

I offer this simply as a great way to get started. You could get hooked, and when you do, you might find that the need for the labeling words falls away like everything else. The chatroom falls silent, there's only pure concentration. One thing I can guarantee is that you'll start to feel the benefits immediately: increased focus in all aspects of your life, from relationships to work, and an increased capacity to stay focused on your life's mission. A greater equanimity in all things, from the daily trivia to the great, recurring issues; a growing familiarity with the mind and the way it works-and greater freedom from its busy-ness and wiles; a growing ability to stay in touch with your body and your feelings, and to be in a place where you can more readily accept them without having to fight or argue. Above all, you'll find a greater confidence in your personal power, and a sense of inner peace. And all this at the cost of a few quiet minutes each day!

--Peter Clothier offers creativity coaching and mentoring for writers, artists, and men as well as various workshops and lecture appearances.

More from Peter Clothier: articles, art reviews, art catalogues, book reviews, and essays.